five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
