Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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