haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
