If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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