these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
