it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
