Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
