So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
