It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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