I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
