dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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