piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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