well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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