is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
