i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
