Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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