your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
