I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
