How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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