I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
