If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
