How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
