So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
