If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
