it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
