it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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