I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
