On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
