The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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