I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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