I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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