so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
