i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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