And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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