...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
