i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
