ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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