everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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