You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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