worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
