i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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