elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
