Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
