Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it hurts more in the daytime
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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