yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
