Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
