Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
