your room smells of hookers.
And success
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
