I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
