also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
