i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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