True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
