first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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