I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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