why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
