please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm jealous of your bromance
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
