I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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