I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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