My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
